A Sweet Winter Night
by Nosfrat
Summary: [First person Human in Equestria story.] After confessing her feelings for him, Sweetie Belle convinces Anon to have a sleepover at his house. He is pretty reluctant, but she has a special weapon on her side... cuteness. Lots of things ensue, including burnt food, blizzard, soda, destroyed cities, heartwarming moments, clop and laundry. Not in that order. Rated M for good reasons.
1. Snow, Apples and Dresses

"Nonsense, darling. You can simply wait here!"

"But, Rarity, I have things to do, and since you do too, I'll just come back in-"

"I cannot let you leave the boutique. Not right now, you would catch a cold with all that snow falling outside, it would be most unladylike of me to allow that to happen." the white fashionista says in a rather condescending tone.

"Rarity, you know that this is the main reason we humans wear clothes, right? So that we can go outside without getting sick, regardless of the weather and temperature?" I ask, frowning, a little annoyed to realize that once again, a simple request for a new shirt will have me waiting two hours in the Carousel boutique, bored out of my mind.

"As I said, I must go deliver this special order to Applejack. She was kind enough to... hum, help a friend in need. It would be most unbecoming of me not to return the favor... I mean, not to... well, nevermind, dear. Anyway, I promise I won't be long, so make yourself at home." she says, blushing a little as she opens the door, bracing herself against the gust of cold wind blowing inside the room. "I will be back shortly, and I will make you your dress, darling, I promise. I mean, shirt!"

Closing the door behind her without leaving me the time to answer, or even react, it doesn't take long before the faint sound on hoofsteps on fresh snow fades to silence. I have no idea how it is possible, but in Equestria, the wind is silent. Caught in the middle of a snow storm a few minutes earlier, I actually found it pretty creepy. I could feel the the gusts dancing around me and sweeping fresh snow off leafless tree branches, yet the expected howling was simply replaced by a cold, eerie silence. My footsteps were the only thing I could hear.

At least, nightfall always occurs at the same time, regardless of seasons... I still have a couple of hours to make it back home before the dark of the night.

So, did she just imply that Applejack and her...? Heh. I wouldn't have imagined her to swing that way, much less with a brash, tomboyish country mare, but what do you know... Chuckling at the thought, I don't hear the hoofsteps coming from the stairs. A voice crack stirs me out of my thoughts.

"Hey, Anon!"

Looking back, I see two and a half feet of cuteness smiling at me. "Hey Sweetie... what's up?"

"Well, I was going to ask Rarity if she wanted me to help her with something, but apparently she just left..." she trails off, levitating a piece of charcoal in front of her. "I also made her a cupcake, but I think I might have done something wrong..."

Chuckling at her umpteenth failed attempt to cook something properly, I get up, grab the burnt cupcake and throw it into the fireplace. "No offense Sweetie but, I don't think this was edible." I actually don't think it's combustible, either...

"I know... I'll never get it down. Maybe I'll get my cutie mark in arson one day..." she says playfully, though it comes out as highly disturbing. The little filly drops to the ground and sighs. "Humph... I'm so bored!"

"Yeah... so am I. I don't even know why I have to wait here." I say, raising an eyebrow as she starts sliding across the room, using her rear hooves to push her limp upper body.

"Why are you here, anyway? Did Rarity ask you to model for a dress... again? Is that why she went away?" she asks with a large grin, knowing damn well that she could get a rise out of me whenever she wanted by simply mentioning that. She will never forget the day we met... and frankly, neither will I.

It was about a month ago. I was just visiting Rarity for a new pair of shoes, because even for a male, a single pair can only last so long... especially in a land without vehicles. The white mare had offered me to make them for free, on condition that I model for her. I was a little too eager to accept, as a few minutes later, I was stuck in a bright yellow froufrou dress easily three sizes too small. Her sister happened to walk in at this very moment, and... yeah.

She'll never let me live that down.

"Nah, I needed a new shirt, but apparently I dropped by at the wrong moment. Your sister's gotta run an errand for Applejack, I'm not exactly sure what it is... I don't wanna know, either. But you know her, she insisted that I stay here until she comes back, because of the weather outside and all."

Sweetie Belle frowns, and cocks her head to the side. "But isn't that why you human creatures wear clothes all the time?" she asks with a confused tone.

"Yes, it is, but once again, you know your sister... I'm starting to think being too ladylike is actually unladylike. I mean, she practically has me stuck here. I could leave, but then I would never hear the end of it... damn, Rarity can get seriously scary when she's really angry." I have no shame to admit that I was genuinely afraid of an enraged three and a half feet tall pastel unicorn. While her magic is nothing special, those decibels are nothing to laugh at.

"So... you're just gonna stay here until she comes back?"

"I guess so... not that I had anything to do, anyway. I mean, I had to bring back a few books to Twilight, but nothing that can't wait until tomorrow." I shrug, a shiver suddenly going through my spine. Damn, it's chilly in here... or maybe simply looking at the frozen landscape outside makes me feel cold?

"Hey, you wanna do something? Maybe we can crusade together! You don't even have a cutie mark, after all."

"That's true, but what do you have in mind? Indoor crusading in your sister's workplace isn't something I would have put on my bucket list." I reply with a grin, having long given up on trying to reason her or her friends with the whole cutie mark thing.

"We could, uh... Hey, I know! I know!" she squeals, bouncing around and knocking a vase off a shelf.

"Sweetie! Calm down! Goddamn..."

Getting up, I walk up to the young mare and pick her up. "C'mon, you can tell me but, don't go jumping around like that! You're not Pinkie Pie. I know you're excited and all, and I wish I could get excited as easily as you, but c'mon, if you break something, Rarity's gonna be pissed."

She grins and jabs me playfully with a hoof. "Heh! You said excited! You can't get excited easily? Why not? Are you too old?"

Uh, what? "What?"

"Well, we had this sex education lesson with miss Cherilee last week, and there were a lot of funny things. At least, I thought it was pretty funny. I mean, all those things... hey, do humans have sex too?"

_Critical levels of wat reached, trying to contain, stand by..._

"Anon? Are you okay?"

"Huh?" I shake my head and look at the filly, still in my arms. "Uh yeah, I'm alright."

I put her down on the ground, and sit on a nearby chair. "So... what did you want to do?"

"You didn't answer the question."

"Sweetie, every single species... I mean, unless things work really differently in Equestria, I'm pretty sure all creatures reproduce by having sex. Except maybe insects or something, I don't know... why would you ask that, anyway?"

She walks up to me and jumps on my lap. "Miss Cheerilee said that sex could make ponies feel good, and that it wasn't only necessary for reproduction."

"Uh... yeah, I suppose that's correct." I answer, now starting to feel really uncomfortable.

She bats her eyelashes and grins. "And according to what Twilight told me, humans are the same, right?"

Not even remembering having told Twilight about human sexuality, and not even wondering why the hell she would have told a young filly such a thing anyway, I look away and lean back into my chair, trying to avoid physical contact. "Where are you going with this, Sweetie?"

"Do you have a marefriend?"

_65wat . jpg_

"N-no... you know there are no other humans, right?" at this point, I'm considering throwing her off me and making a mad dash for the door.

"Well, you could... be with a pony? I mean, you always said you were never going home... so you will never see another human anyway."

Ah, kids... Even here in Equestria, they're always so... blunt. Sure, I knew I wouldn't ever go back to Earth, and I was actually glad about that, considering that prior to the night during which I somehow ended up in Equestria, I had just gotten fired from my lame ass job, and dumped by my girlfriend. On the very same day. Now, I'm not the kind of guy who would sulk for months about this, but a sudden opportunity to start fresh, even in such a drastic way, beats having to deal with my problems.

"I know Sweetie, I know. But I haven't really considered it... I mean, I've been here for what, a month and a half? You ponies have been really great to me, you're like people, hell you're better than people in many ways, but I... I don't think I'm ready to see you as... I don't know. Why are you asking me all that stuff, anyway?"

She gives me a shy look, and looks away for a few seconds, before focusing her eyes on mine. "Because I like you."

Trying my utmost best to convince myself she's just being overly friendly, I ruffle her mane and give her a weak smile. "I like you too, Sweetie, you're a nice kid."

She frowns and pushes my hand away, locking eyes with me once again. "No, I said I like you. Like, really like you."

_Anon? This is brain. We have a breach in the wat warehouse. I repeat, we have an uncontained breach of wat, please advise, over._

_Copy that, brain. Evacuate the area immediately and follow the standard procedure, over._

"Do you remember, the day my friends and I were in our clubhouse, and you saved us?"

"I didn't save you..."

"Yes you did, Anon! You saved us from a giant rampaging monster!"

"It was Spike, and he was just pissed that you three were trying to give him a makeover..."

"You saved us from the inferno that nearly consumed our clubhouse!"

"He burped and set a paper hat on fire, which Scootaloo put out with her tears..."

"You carried me home like a gentlecolt!"

"You were like fifty yards ahead, galloping at breakneck speeds!"

"And the day we met! You were so cute in that dress... and you kept smiling awkwardly after you took it off!"

"I looked like a fucking drag queen, and I was blushing like an idiot... so hard in fact, I must have looked like I had tomato sauce smeared on my face! How the hell was I cute? Look, Sweetie, I... you're a filly! I mean, this is wrong, you... you're too young. I'm too old! You need to find yourself a nice coltfriend your age..."

"But, but... but I like you, not another colt! They're all so stupid and immature, and they don't know all the things you know... and they can't carry me in their arms. And they don't model in frilly dresses for my sister, either..." she gives me a sly wink.

Holy shit, go away boner. Nopony must ever know that crossdressing is actually my fetish. The little pony's face drops at my lack of reaction, and she looks down, dangerously close to my recessing semi-boner.

"You don't like me? Am I not pretty enough?" she asks, looking up at me again, her eyes slowly watering.

"No Sweetie, I like you, and you're pretty! You're cute as shit! I mean... yeah, you're very cute. But you're a filly, and I'm an adult, and..." I trail off, looking deep into her eyes. Goddamn she's cute. I would totally kiss her if... No, what the fuck am I thinking? She's a child!

_But she likes you._

No, she's too young, she's just confused...

_She's old enough to be sexually active._

Maybe with somepony her age, but not with me!

_You're practically her age, if comparing the lifespan and development of a pony to that of a human, you're maybe even younger than her._

Those aren't ponies from Earth!

_You need to fuck the horse pussy, Anon!_

"Argh!" I scream as I get up, shaking my head and ignoring the little filly falling off my lap, barely catching herself in her own magic grip before hitting the ground. To think that five weeks ago, she couldn't even master basic telekinesis...

"Anon!"

"Nopenopenope!"

Running for the door, I trip over the vase she knocked over earlier and faceplant on the cold, hard ground, knocking myself out.

"Oh my gosh, Anon! Are you alright?" the little filly asks, nudging my head with her muzzle. "I'm sorry! Please wake up, please wake up!

"Sweetie! Anon! What in the wide, wide world of Equestria is happening in here?" A voice coming from the doorstep slowly brings me back to consciousness.

Ignoring her sister, Sweetie Belle rushes to me and jumps on my back, nudging my cheek with her hoof. "Can I do anything to help?"

_Yeah, you can help me by going to help some other motherfucker._

"Urgh..." I try to look up, but damn, why is everything spinning?

And suddenly I realize that Rarity is standing inside the room, covered in snow and smelling faintly of apples.

"It's not what it looks like!" I scream, still dizzy.

"Oh, really now? Because it sure looks like you got knocked the fuck out!" the white mare says, grinning.

Sweetie happily bounces off me and walks up to her sister. "Knocked the fuck out?"

"Goddamnit, stop swearing you two!" I scream as both sisters look at me in confusion.

"But, darling, you use those words all the time..." Rarity inquires.

"I know, I know, but it's... it's harsh, and vulgar, and... and it just doesn't sound right coming from you ponies. Especially classy ponies like you."

"Why the fuck not?" the younger pony asks, her voice cracking on the last word.

"Sweetie! Enough, you heard Anon. It seems that using those words is very unladylike where he is from."

"Yeah, pretty much." I answer, finally sitting up and feeling my face. Apparently I didn't hurt myself too much... At least not visibly. Yet I knocked myself out... man, Equestrian physics are fucked up. "You were pretty fast, Rarity. Did Applejack enjoy her special order?"

"Huh? Oh, yes, very much so."

"I bet she did, especially since you left without anything. I wonder what you offered her." I tease her, giving her a smirk.

Her face temporarily looking like Big Mac's, she trots off and into the kitchen. "I'll be with you in a minute, Anon dear."

Sweetie Belle jumps in my lap again and does what looks like the pony equivalent of raising an eyebrow. "What are you two talking about?"

"Heh, it's nothing..."

"Say Anon, you wanna help us with our crusading?"

"Uh, yeah, I guess... why not?" I reply, figuring that since she said _us_, I wouldn't be alone with her.

"Great! Meet me at the Crusaders' clubhouse whenever you're done with your clothing thingy!" she says rapidly, before jumping off me and rushing to the door, opening it and galloping away, into the cold.

"Sweetie! What the hell are you..." I trail off, noticing that she's out of hearing range by now. Jesus, what's wrong with this pony? "Rarity?" I call as I walk into the kitchen, not expecting to find Rarity kissing a large, ripe apple.

"Anon!" she shrieks, throwing the apple against a nearby wall with her magic. "Knock before you come in!"

"Knock? The door was open, and it's the kitchen, Rare!"

"I-I could have been doing something..."

"Yeah, like making out with a fruit."

"Anon... please, don't tell anypony. Applejack and I, we-"

"Yeah, no shit. Look, we may have a problem, Sweetie just ran off, something about meeting me at her friends' clubhouse or something, but the thing is, she's alone outside without anything to keep her warm."

"Oh my... Why didn't you stop her?" she practically screams, getting on her hind legs and shoving her muzzle into my face.

"I couldn't have, I didn't even have time to realize she had gotten off me, she was already outside!" I say defensively, though with a nagging fear that I was the reason she ran off so quickly.

"You gotta go after her! She's gonna freeze! She's gonna... This would be the most horrible thing!"

Realizing that she is right, I grab my coat, put it on and bolt out of the door without even saying anything to her. Looking back through the window, I see her levitating her drama couch and collapsing on it. Typical Rarity.

So, I had to wait for something I didn't even get in the end, then an underage pastel horse confessed her love for me, I knocked myself out and now, I'm trying to find a two and a half feet tall white pony in a two feet blanket of powder snow. I can't even walk properly, the snow reaches above my knees... How did she run off so fast?

Thankfully I went to her clubhouse a few times. There was that one time one of her friends had asked Rainbow Dash to come see something, and since we were hanging out that day, I decided to tag along. That little orange filly had made a ton of paper hats, cut and colored to look like Dash's mane. That mare sure has a lot of success among kids... Heh, kinda like me apparently.

No, bad Anon! Shit, what's wrong with me? Yes, she's cute, and then what? That's all, she's a cute little pony, she doesn't want to date me! She's just young and confused. Like I once was. Wishing she could have her first time with someone older, someone who has experience, and... Goddamn it!

Bending over to grab a handful of snow, I smear it on my face and shake my head rapidly. I must have hit myself pretty hard if I'm seriously thinking about Sweetie Belle that way... she's just Rarity's sister. Rarity is a friend, and Sweetie is a friend too. Right?

I didn't remember their clubhouse to be so close, but then Rarity's boutique is very close to the edge of the city. Relieved to see a small shadow inside, I knock on the door, accidentally knocking it off its hinges. I never thought I would reach a point where I lift too much.

Fucking Rainbow Dash...

"Anon! You came!"

Ignoring how wrong it sounded, I squeeze myself through the small opening. Ignoring how fucking wrong it sounded, I give her a look somewhere in between _'no shit'_ and _'business is business, Miss Belle, I'd like to see my competitors out of action'_.

"Well, obviously I came... even if you hadn't asked me to meet you there, you run off into the cold without anything? I wasn't simply gonna let you freeze to death!" I reply, a little more dramatically than I should have.

"So you care about me?"

"Of course I do, Sweetie. I mean, I care about you like a friend-"

"I knew it! I knew it Anon, we're gonna... wait, like a friend? What do you mean?" her smile drops as she looks at me solemnly.

"I told you. You're cute and all, but you're too young, Sweetie Belle."

"But... but why? Rarity always says I'm too young for everything! And now, you?" she asks in disbelief, getting in my face with an angry look upon hers.

"Calm down, I'm just saying that you and I... I'm too old for you, that's what I meant. I'm an adult, you know?"

"So what?"

"So as a friend, my role is to help you, and prevent you from doing stupid shit... such as running off into the snow, or losing your virginity to a stupid alien fuck like me."

She backs off a little, and her angry frown turns into one of confusion. "What's a virginity?"

Seriously? "Uh? Sweetie... what did Cheerilee teach you about sex, exactly?"

Looking away for a few seconds, she brings a front hoof to her chin. "I don't know! I didn't pay attention to anything other than the pleasure part. She said ponies did it because it felt good. I wanna feel good! Why wouldn't anypony wanna feel good?"

"It's a little more complicated than that." Although I have no idea of the significance of sex in the Equestrian society, and I ignore all of the ethics and morals around it, I still feel uneasy talking about is so casually with a filly. "Yes, everypony wants to feel good, but actually doing things like that is a pretty big commitment, at least for your first time..."

"Is it your first time, too?"

"No, Sweetie, it's not. I mean, it wouldn't be if we did it, but since we're not gonna do it anyway... C'mon now, we're going back home. It's way too cold out there, I doubt your friends are gonna come."

"I... I lied, they weren't gonna come. I just wanted to be alone with you..." she trails off, looking down with floppy ears. Why did these ponies have to be so cute? It's not fair.

She suddenly looks back at me, a smile quickly forming on her face. "Hey, can we go back to your place and watch a movie? As, um, as friends, I mean."

I take a moment to evaluate the pros and cons of her... request? Well, she's a young, cute little cartoon pony. She couldn't possibly be trying to trick me, right? She's barely a third of my size, and a fourth of my weight... I guess I'm gonna take my chances on this one. It's been a while since I had somepony to hang out with other than the overly competitive Rainbow Dash. "Sure Sweets, but first you need to ask Rarity, and if she's okay with it, you need to get something to wear. It's way too cold for you to be out there without a coat or whatever what ponies wear is called."

Smiling widely at my new nickname for her, she nods energetically and bolts out of the small wooden shack. "C'mon, Anon! You're so tall, keep up with me!"

Panting like an idiot, I shout at the small figure a few dozen feet in front of me. "Hey, I only have two legs! You have four legs, you noob."

A few minutes later, I'm back in front of the Carousel boutique. Still impressed at how easily I seem to be able to find my way around in this town, especially when covered in snow, I knock at the door. The telltale lime green aura of Sweetie Belle's magic forms around the handle, and the little filly literally drags me in, tugging at my shirt with her magic grip.

I laugh and pat her on the head. "C'mon Sweetie, just because you finally learned magic, doesn't mean you should go ahead and molest me with it."

Still smiling at me, she nods for me to sit and trots into the kitchen. Hoping Rarity isn't doing more weird shit with an apple, I rest my head on my chin and sigh. We're just gonna watch a movie, nothing is gonna go wrong, right?

The two white ponies walk out of the kitchen together, and smile at me. "Oh Anonymous, darling. Proposing to take care of Sweetie while I go out for dinner, you are such a dear. She is quite a hoofful at times..."

What the hell now? "Heh, it's cool, Rare. Sweetie wanted to-"

"No, no, don't be modest. I know you were the one who proposed to watch over her."

Having learned pretty quickly there was no reasoning with these ponies, I sigh and put on a fake smile. "Yeah, yeah, my bad. So, Sweetie, shall we go?"

The older mare gives me a weird look. "Oh, you'd like to take Sweetie Belle to your house?"

"No, but she-"

Rarity smiles. "That's alright, you have these fancy movies, and... between you and me, I would rather she breaks your stuff, and not mine." she winks at me, and I chuckle.

"Hey, I heard everything!" says an annoyed Sweetie Belle, though she quickly starts chuckling along with us.

"Just bring her back for the night, dear."

"Um, Rarity?" Sweetie asks, an unsure look on her face.

"Yes, Sweetie Belle?"

"Can I, uh... can I sleep at Anon's? I promise I won't annoy him!" she asks, giving her sister the teary puppy dog eyes.

"I don't know, Sweetie... Anon, would you be okay with that?"

No. No.

_Say no!_

"Yes."

"Yes!" the little filly screams happily, clinging onto my leg. "We're gonna have the bestest sleepover ever!"

"I'm sure we will..." I say, patting her head. Man, why does everything I say manage to sound creepy and sexual? Oh well, that's actually better. I probably won't feel like walking another mile or so, especially late at night, so she might as well stay. "I'll bring her back in the morning, Rarity."

"Alright Anon. I will have your shirt ready in the morning, if you don't mind. It could use a little more work."

A little scared of what that means for my future appearance, I nod and look at her younger sister. "Sweetie, go grab your stuff and we're good to go."

She nods and runs up the stairs, while Rarity gives a small chuckle. "Kids... Always so energetic."

"Yep... I wish I were still like that, sometimes. I feel so old and rusty when she's around."

She smiles and waves a hoof at me. "Now don't say such things, darling. Even Rainbow Dash wouldn't be able to keep up with a filly."

"Heh... maybe. Anyway, you're sure you don't mind her staying at my place?"

"I trust you, Anonymous. I believe Sweetie Belle trusts you too. Just make sure she doesn't go to bed too late, okay?"

"Sure, don't worry. I used to watch over my friend's little brother back on Earth, and even though he wasn't as hyper as Sweetie, I'm still used to handling kids."

The filly comes back downstairs with a bright violet saddlebag and a large smile plastered on her face. "Can we go now?"

"Sure, let's go!" I get up and start walking towards the door, when Rarity stops me with a hoof.

"Make sure she brushes her teeth."

"Jeez, Rare! I told you, don't worry, alright? I know how to take care of kids."

"Alright, I'm sorry... have fun, you two."

"Thanks."

"Thanks, sis'!"

I lean down and whisper in Rarity's ear. "Hey, look on the bright side! You won't wake up with a burnt down house for breakfast!"

We share a laugh and a frustrated Sweetie Belle tugs on my pants with her magic. The snow has stopped falling, but everything is still covered with at least eighteen inches, and it's still kinda hard to walk normally. Sweetie Belle, however, seems to be having a blast, happily jumping in and out of the snow, the top of her mane bouncing up and down as she does. I grab her and cradle her in my arms, close to my jacket. "Wouldn't want you to catch a cold now, would I?"

She giggles and leans into me, smiling happily as she does so. As heartwarming as it is, I can't help but feel terrified at how soft, warm and pleasant it feels to have her against me. Maybe I'm just longing for the touch of another woman... mare, whatever. I unlock my door, the only locked door in the entire town (and possibly the entire kingdom), and decide to put those thoughts about Sweetie Belle in the '_no fuck given, please try again later_' part of my brain.

She jumps off my arms, and onto the couch, spreading her entire body over it. "It's so comfortable!"

I throw myself onto it, right next to her, and my added weight sends her flying a few inches. "I know, right?"

She giggles and smiles brightly at me. "That was fun! Say, what movies do you have?"

"Hm, let me check." I say, getting up and walking over my DVD stack. It was frightening how they had the exact same technology than on Earth when it came to video entertainment. I suddenly remember that I had two DVDs in my pocket when I arrived in Equestria. I will never understand why my clothes were transported alongside me that night, especially since I sleep naked, but I sure as hell never complained. Popping out in a foreign dimension, in the beginning of winter, with my junk waving around (at eye-height for mares, I might add) and a temperature barely above thirty-five? Thanks, but no thanks.

Maybe my DVDs are compatible with Equestrian DVD players?

"Sweetie, I'm gonna check something upstairs. Maybe we can watch a human movie, if it works." I ask her with a sly smile. I hope those weren't R-rated movies I had, or worse... porn. Nah, who the hell owns porn DVDs anyway? I never did. What were those two movies, anyway? Slowly making my way upstairs, I make a mental note to buy a laundry basket, or at least find another place to throw my dirty clothes than on the stairs. Easily finding the DVDs, I look at the covers.

"_The Hangover_... yeah, no." I put it aside, and look at the second one. "_Pulp Fiction_.. well, shit." I sigh, opening the box out of curiosity, only to find a completely different disc. "Heh... first time my laziness is actually useful." I grin evilly, my eyes lighting up at the thought. Grabbing the box, I carry it back downstairs and walk into the kitchen, making sure to grab a selection of the most unhealthy shit I could possibly find.


	2. Night of the Living Marshmallow

A few minutes later, Sweetie Belle and I are both lying on the couch, in the most comfortable and laziest position we could manage to find. A hefty supply of snacks, soda and other junk food on the table next to us, we lean back even further as I hit play on the remote, relieved to see that it actually works.

Literally a couple of seconds into the movie, Sweetie Belle starts talking. "Hey, pause it! Pause it!"

"What is it, Sweetie?"

"Well, if alien life didn't come from the stars, then where did it come from?"

"Uh... If you watch the next five seconds, he actually says it."

"Oh. But, where did _you_ come from? You're alien life, right?"

"Sweetie, can we just watch the damn thing, please? It will only be the seventh time or so for me, but I'd still like to enjoy this evening, you know?"

"Sorry Anon... can you pass me the chips, please?"

"Sure." I grin at her, bringing the bowl of chips above her head. "Grab one."

She levitates a few chips, and stuffs them into my mouth. "Schfeetie! Whatf tfe fucksh?"

"You should have seen your face!" she shrieks, giggling uncontrollably. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. You can start it again."

"Alright... here, let's just keep the chips in between us." I ruffle her mane, eliciting more giggles from her, and finally hit play again.

"Oh... humans can build bridges over water?" she asks, mesmerized at the sight of the Golden Bridge.

"Yeah, we build a lot of shit. Hell, we even built a tunnel under the sea." I state matter-of-factly.

"Ooooh..." she stares at the screen, absolutely hypnotized by the (rather epic, I might say) intro. "So all humans have hands, like you... what does neural load mean?"

"I don't know. Human technology is way too complex for anyone but those who work in it to know about it. And this is science-fiction, which is even worse."

"Oh..."

"Why don't you have bumps on your body like these two humans?" she asks, literally eyefucking the Becket brothers through the screen.

"Because I don't even lift. Now listen Sweetie, if you stay silent, I will, uh... I will give you a kiss."

"Really?" she screams into my ear, her voice cracking twice on both syllables.

"If you stay silent." I state, crossing my arms. She nods so hard, I fear she might break her neck, and she goes back to having her eyes glued to the screen, as I silently chuckle, knowing damn well it's impossible for her to stay silent for even five minutes...

Nearly an hour later, I start to sweat as she still hasn't said anything, besides a few relatively contained screams, mainly of surprise. While not overly violent, this movie is still much, much more brutal than any pony-made movie I watched so far. I'm guessing that she's either fascinated by it, or really, really wants her kiss... Thanks fuck, I never said where I would kiss her.

Heh, I'm such a crafty little cunt.

I nearly choke on my soda when she points at the screen and giggles. "You think Rarity's special order for Applejack was Kaiju crap to fertilize her orchard?" Wiping the sugary liquid off my nose, lips and chin, I look at her before bursting in laughter, which seems to prove contagious as she starts fighting back the tears of her own laughing fit.

"Alright, that was really good. I won't count it against you for the whole silent thing." I say, hating myself for it as I try to calm my laughter down. She nods, and keeps giggling for a few seconds, before calming down as well.

Another twenty minutes or so later, I watch in a mix of amusement and amazement as she almost mechanically rolls on the couch to rest her head against me.

I can't believe I'm actually enjoying spending time with Sweetie Belle. Sure, she's a nice little pony and all, but I never thought we could actually spend time together like that, as friends, or whatever it is we are... apart from her cute and innocent attitude, it's like we have the same age. Or almost.

I won't go further than that, but I'm slowly warming up to the idea of kissing her... no matter where.

Wrapping a forearm around her, I idly stroke her mane as I await for my (and everyone's) favorite part of the movie. The little pony suddenly looks at her soda, resting on a table about three feet away from her. I raise an eyebrow, and boop her on the horn. "Use your magic, Sweets."

When she doesn't answer, I decide to simply bring my plastic cup to her nose. Putting a front hoof on my other forearm, she holds it in place as she happily sips the teeth-destroying beverage, looking back at me with a sly grin. Crafty little cunt, I swear. Maybe even moreso than me.

Watching in awe at the giant metallic beast lands at near terminal velocity, sending a brutal shockwave ripping through several city blocks and vaporizing everything in its wake, she clings onto my arm and levitates the now empty cup out of my hand, resting her chin in my palm. Despite the uncomfortable angle at which my forearm is, she's just too damn cute.

Suddenly, a knock at the door causes us both to jump in surprise. We exchange looks of confusion, and I frown, withdrawing my arm from around her, hitting pause and getting up. "Who the hell could it be, at this hour?"

Opening the door, I frown even harder. "Fluttershy, what the fuck? What are you doing here?"

"Oh, hi A-Anon... I was wondering, um... are movie nights your fetish?"

Looking at the introvert rapist in disbelief, I shake my head and look behind me, making sure Sweetie is out of range. "Might be. But not with your yellow ass." I answer, slamming the door in her face.

As I start making my way back to the living room, her muffled voice fills my ears again, and I look out of the window, only to get an eyeful of yellow and pink.

"Anon! Oh, you're here... um... is, um, is rejecting my advances your fetish?" I pinch the bridge of my nose and sigh, closing the curtains on her. "Eep!"

Seriously... over a month and she's still going strong? I wonder if she'll ever give up. After a while, she'll have to run out of fetishes... eventually.

Right?

Grabbing another soda in the kitchen, I walk back to the couch and sit down near Sweetie, patting my lap before hitting play again. She happily lays her head on my thigh, my hand softly stroking her pink and violet curls. She's so soft and warm... and it's amazing how I can run my fingers through her curly mane for hours without ever finding a single tangle.

As both giant beasts careen down the cliff, and into the breach, I chuckle to myself. "Hey Sweetie."

She opens her mouth to answer, but then remembers our 'deal' and nods instead, without taking her eyes off the screen.

"Look, that's how you are when you try cooking." I say, holding back a laugh.

Before she can ask me what I'm talking about, Raleigh screams angrily, _'I'mma burn this son of a bitch!'_ shortly before burning a hole through Slattern's midsection.

Too captivated to even laugh at my half-assed 'joke', the little filly clings onto my arm again as the suspense increases, the climax getting closer and closer.

A few minutes later, as the movie ends and the credits start rolling, she looks up at me, her eyes filled with sparks. "That movie was... amazing. I didn't know humans could make such things... could you make a movie like that, too?"

I laugh and give her a playful shove. "Nah, such movies are the result of several years of work between thousands of people, usually costing several hundred million dollars. Er, bits."

"Wow... A hundred million bits? That's like... too much! I don't think even all the Canterlot ponies put together have that much!"

"Yeah, probably not, it's a lot of money. Human society works quite differently."

"Say, Anon..."

"Yeah?"

"Why didn't they kiss at the end?"

"Huh? I..." I trail off, remembering that they indeed didn't. "Well, I don't know... I think the people who made that movie tried their hardest to add a romance subplot without ever actually displaying it as such. And it's a pretty good idea actually, love stories can often ruin a good action movie."

"Anon?"

"Hm?"

"I... I didn't speak. I didn't say a single word until the credits started rolling."

Oh shit. "Uh... yeah, but now you just did." I say, an evil smirk on my face.

"But, but... the movie was fini-"

She's cut off by Ron Perlman's mid-credits one-liner.

"It wasn't completely finished! You lost, Sweets. And I won. O, sweet victory, how do I love thee." I 'sing', pumping my fist into the air.

Realizing I'm joking, she frowns before giving me a shove. "C'mon Anon, it wasn't funny."

"Oh yes it was, you should have seen your face!"

She pouts and crosses her forehooves. God this is some serious heart attack material right there.

"Ah, what the hell. Come on, you earned your kiss." I smile at her and lean down, reaching for her cheek, when she pulls me away from her with her surprisingly strong magic. "What's up, Sweetie? I thought you wanted a kiss?"

"Nuh-uh. A real kiss, or nothing..." she says, looking at me with determination.

"Because that was gonna be a fake kiss?" I ask, confused.

"No, but I want it... you know. On the mouth." she says boldly, her eyes never leaving mine.

I swallow hard and manage to choke on my saliva. A few seconds of hardcore coughing later, I look at her with tears in my eyes. "Sweetie, I... you're too... I mean..." I trail off once again, realizing that after all, I have no actual reason to deny her a simple peck on the lips.

"Alright, come here." I pat my lap, and she jumps on me, putting her front legs against my chest, and puckering her lips as she leans against me.

Softly brushing her slightly moist lips with my own, I sigh as the touch sends lightning through my entire body. Wrapping a hand around her, stroking her mane as she digs into my chest with her soft yet firm hooves, I wonder why I didn't want to do that in the first place. She might be just a little filly, but her touch is soft, warm, and... pleasurable. Maybe it's loneliness talking, or maybe it's simply her... And curiously, I stopped caring a few seconds ago.

And I still can't find the will to care when she holds my head in place with her magic, and slips the tip of her tongue between my awaiting lips. Her tongue is surprisingly soft, a bit larger and flatter than a human's. Hungrily exploring the insides of my mouth, she closes her eyes and moans into the kiss, the vibrations sending delicious shivers down my spine.

Letting go of my chest, she wraps her forehooves around my neck as I pull her small frame closer to me, my tongue now pushing hers back, her wet mouth welcoming it. The way she bends her own tasting appendage, wrapping and unwrapping it around mine all the while moaning and moving her lips ever so slightly is a feeling I never want to end. There's something magical about the way she kisses...

Eventually breaking from the kiss, panting as we both gasp for air, we look into each other's eyes longingly. It doesn't matter what she is, who she is... all that matters is that this cute little pony just gave me the most amazing kiss a man could ever dream of, and I want more. Pushing her off me, and on her back, I lean over her and slowly rub my fingers against her belly, eliciting a burst of giggles from the filly.

She puckers her lips once again, and the simple sight is enough to break whatever will I could have had left at this point. Engaging in another passionate kiss, I keep rubbing her belly, making sure to slowly drift downwards, stopping an inch above her small teats. We slowly open our mouths before breaking from the kiss again, a strand of saliva connecting our tongues. Giving the tip of hers a quick lick, I flash her a grin and stop her giggling by tracing her lips with a finger.

Looking down at that perfect, cute little filly body, I can't help but feel happy to be here, with her. I start peppering her neck and upper chest with kisses, alternating with short, quick pecks, and deeper, more sensual kisses. Once again stopping as I reach her lower belly, I look up at her and give her a warm smile. A smile that conveys more than any amount of words could ever hope to express. Looking into her eyes, I keep rubbing her lower belly as I pinch her earlobe between my lips, slowly running the tip of my tongue against the soft cartilage.

I bring a finger to my mouth and coat it in saliva, before bringing it back to her belly, gently brushing the tip against her perky little teats. She lets a small shriek escape her lips, which I quickly cover with mine. Rubbing and pinching her nipples for a few minutes, her breathing and kissing become more and more erratic, as she stops moving her tongue. I pull away and trace her jawline and neck with my tongue, rubbing the wet tip against her warm coat. Not doing anything to stifle her intense moaning, the young pony writhes in pleasure, her hind legs kicking wildly as I keep stimulating her cute little teats.

"Anon, s-something is wrong! I think I..." she doesn't have the time to finish as her words turn into screams, and a clear strand of liquid shoots from her most intimate place, and onto my thigh. Panting hard, her tongue lolling out of her mouth, she takes nearly a full minute before looking at me with half-lidded eyes. Despite the wrongness of the situation, I feel pretty proud to have given her an orgasm without even actual sexual stimulation.

"Are you alright, Sweets? Did it... feel good?"

She looks at me, her face contorting in confusion and disbelief. "Feel good? That was the best thing ever... How did you do that?"

I laugh, giving her a soft kiss on the cheek. "Well, that's what sexual pleasure feels like. Except what you feel during actual sex is much, much stronger."

"Really? Can we do it?" she asks, giving me the puppy dog eyes. While it loses some of its impact with a sticky strand of female nectar connecting her nethers to my thigh, it's still unfair. But still, as good as she is at kissing, actual sex is a very different story... one I'm not quite sure I'm ready for. Looking out of the window, I see a few snowflakes falling, shining bright in the bathing light of my porch light, contrasting with the pitch black background of the night.

Thinking back about her overly sensitive nipples, an idea hits me. "Hey Sweets, wanna feel something a little more... electric?"

She scrunches her face in confusion, looking cuter than ever. "I'll be back in a minute." I say softly, getting up and walking towards the door. Opening it, and cuntpunting a frozen Fluttershy back to her cottage, I walk up to the window and scoop up a little bit of snow from the windowsill, before walking back inside with a huge smirk on my face.

"Sweetie, close your eyes." I say, hiding my hands.

"What? Why?" she asks in confusion.

"Just trust me."

"Alright, just... be gentle."

"Hold on, Sweets. We're not quite there, yet. I have many things I wanna show you first. Just close your eyes, lay down and spread your legs."

She blushes and nods, closing her eyes and folding her front hooves closer to her chest.

Creeping up to her, I flick her nipple with a finger, eliciting another moan from her. I bring my other hand against her lower belly, smearing cold snow onto her perky little nubs. Her scream of surprise is quickly replaced by one of pleasure as I wrap my lips around one of her teats, and softly suckle on it, flicking it gently with the tip of my tongue. Her whole body is shivering from the mix of extreme cold and body heat, along with the burning heat radiating from her nethers. Looking up at her, I see her head thrown backwards, tongue lolling out and her chest rising quickly from her frantic breathing.

"Don't... d-don't stop..."

Replacing my mouth with my fingers, I prop myself up on the couch and whisper in her ear. "Sweetie..."

"Anon, p-please... don't talk, I need you to-, to t-touch me... down there, I need it..."

Giving her neck a few licks, I bring my hand a little bit lower.

"D-down there... lower..."

The tip of my fingers reach her damp folds, heat radiating from her tight virgin slit. Giving her little nub an experimental flick, she starts winking wildly, as if her clit was trying to rub itself against my finger. Ignoring it for now, I trail her outer labia with my fingers, my tongue playing with her neck and ear. "It... it f-feels so good..."

Gently parting her folds, I reach for her inner labia, making her cry out in pleasure. Gathering the natural lubricant on the tip of my finger, I slowly insert it, and shiver as her walls clamp around it. Smiling at the effect I have on the little filly, and definitely not displeased by the effect she has on me, I decide to take it a step further and caress her clit with my thumb as I slowly get her entrance accustomed to the modest girth of my middle finger. She leans into me, moaning at my every move.

"A-anon... I... please, I want your t... I want your t-tongue..."

Surprised at how forward she actually is, I start wondering how many things Cheerilee actually taught her class... or whoever else talked to her about oral sex. Wait, was that even a thing among ponies?

Teasing her erected nipples with a hand, I bring my head closer to her little flower, and sigh as the overpowering heat and smell wash over my face. Inhaling deeply, I run my tongue across her lips, letting my hot breath caress the sensitive skin. Feeling her magic literally pushing my face into her little pussy, I smirk as I part her folds with my tongue, the moist appendage invading her most private area. Her vaginal walls clamp around the intruder, her rear legs kicking wildly, nearly pushing me off her, if it weren't for the strong magical grip she has on my head. As helpless as I am feeling, there is nowhere else I would rather be. Everything about this situation is empowering, from the sight of her little button flicking my nose, to the humid heat caressing my face, and even her musky, yet subtle scent. No matter how young she looked, she was definitely old enough for that.

Alternating between long licks from the base of her perineum all the way up to her little love button, and shallow thrusts of my tongue inside her velvety opening, I keep teasing her teats and feel my smile grow when her moans get louder.

"I-I'm... I'm gonna..." she trails off, her eyes rolling back into her head.

Now rubbing a finger on the silky smooth skin beneath her little pussy, I keep thrusting my tongue inside of her as deep as I can, while making sure to caress her pink nub with my nose, inhaling in the powerful scent with every thrust. Soon, her moaning turns into screaming, and I feel a tangy stream of liquid pushing back against my tongue. Withdrawing it, and happily lapping at her folds, I let her orgasm run down my chin and neck, feeling a mix of happiness, manliness and smug satisfaction washing all over me. Resuming the thrusting as soon as the stream of love nectar subdues, I hear her moaning picking up, even louder than before. Bringing her to a third orgasm within seconds, her screams reach ear-shattering levels as a much more powerful stream of juices shoots straight into my mouth. It's slightly yellow, and much more consistent. Not attempting to swallow or spit, I smear it against her cunt with my mouth, happily lapping at every inch of skin my tongue can reach. Slowing down a bit in sync with her breathing, I start tracing little circles on her lower belly with my fingers, and swallow whatever didn't end up on my chin, on her tail or on the couch.

Still rubbing her belly, I prop myself back up to her level, and sigh heavily as I give her a soft kiss on the cheek. "Damn, that was... intense."

Looking at me with half-lidded eyes, she smiles and sighs too. "Anon, I lo-, wait, what is that smell?"

I smirk, and bring a wet finger to her face. "That's you, Sweets."

Returning the smirk, she licks her own juices off my digit, rolling her eyes as she tries to determine the taste. "It tastes kinda like when Apple Bloom, Scootaloo and I put marshmallows in Rarity's courgette soup."

Laughing at the little pony's antics, I wrap an arm around her and kiss her, letting her taste herself on my lips. "Anon... what happens now?"

"Well, are you spent? I mean, I don't want to do more than you can handle, you know, you're just-"

"Actually..." she cuts me off, looking at me insistently.

"Yes?"

"Lick my horn."

"What?"

"My horn. Your tongue. Now."

Not one to leave a young lady waiting, however strange her request may seem, I bring my tongue to the base of her small horn, and gasp as I feel literal lightning shooting out of it. "Wow, what the fuck?"

"Your mouth... wrap it around my horn instead of saying bad words."

I had no idea Sweetie Belle had such a... side to her. But I'm definitely liking it. Basically giving her horn a blowjob, I feel a pleasant heat wash over me as she leans her head into my neck, and gives it a playful lick. Moaning onto her horn, I feel a few sparks shooting down my throat as her agile pony tongue dances against the sensitive skin of my neck. Trying to ignore the raging erection threatening to burst through my pants, I keep licking and sucking on her white bony appendage, running my tongue along the grooves. Her horn is literally throbbing, pulsating in my mouth, as I decide to rub her folds once again. Now getting used to her orgasms, I anticipate her and plunge her horn as far down my throat as I can, smacking my lips on her forehead while running my tongue on the underside of her magic appendage. An intense, electric warmth shoots far down my throat as a fourth orgasm rocks her, coating my esophagus in magic energy and my fingers in filly juices. Withdrawing my mouth, I stifle a laugh as I see a strand of saliva connecting my tongue to the tip of her horn, with a few small, ethereal green sparks emanating from it.

Suddenly happy that I just did that with a filly, as I would have fucking speared my throat on an adult mare's horn, I can't even be bothered to think about the consequences of her magic shooting deep inside my stomach.

Sweetie Belle brings me in for another kiss, this time much softer, and looks deep into my eyes as she sensually pulls away. "I love you."

"Sweetie, I..."

"No, don't talk. I'm gonna make you feel good, too..." she trails off, trying to undo my pants with her magic.

"Here, let me help you." I offer, undoing them myself and letting out a very unmanly giggle as my erection springs free, and smacks her across the face.

She moves back, surprised. "So, that's how it looks like for a human... it's almost the same color as the rest of you."

"Yeah, it's uh, it's skin."

"Hmm, hmm." she moans as she sniffs the tip, and nudges it with a hoof, giggling. "This thing is silly! First it slaps me, and now it tenses up when I touch it."

Giving my tip an experimental lick, she giggles again as a small bead of precum forms on top of my slit. "What is that?" she asks, though it sounds more like a rhetoretical question. Apparently remembering what I did to her, she moves a bit lower and drags her tongue up the underside of my length, from the base to the frenulum, and flicks it a few times, making me gasp in pleasure.

Content with her newly found skill, she wraps her lips around the head of my cock and sucks on it softly, her tongue lapping at the underside of my glans. "Sweetie, easy... I- holy shit that feels good-, I don't wanna cum too quickly..."

Shooting me a defiant glance, she pulls away, inhales deeply and plunges my length down her throat, her muzzle smacking against my pubis. I have no choice but to scream out in ecstasy as the lewd little unicorn starts working my penis like her life depended on it, violently impaling her face on it, producing wet sounds of flesh slamming against flesh, saliva flowing and suppressed gagging that mix up to fill the room in a deliciously erotic fashion. Ashamed of nearing my peak after barely one minute, yet realizing there's no way I'm gonna be able to hold much longer, I close my eyes and put a hand in her mane, forcing her head down as I feel my orgasm coming. Somehow massaging the tip of my throbbing member with her tonsils, she uses her soft hooves to gently knead my balls, bringing me to the point of no return. I scream her name in pure ecstasy as I shoot strands of thick, creamy semen down her throat. She gags a bit on it, but still swallows everything she can with a wet slurping noise, the rest dripping down her chin, and onto my balls. She pulls away slightly, keeping the tip in her mouth, suckling gently on it, milking every last drop out of it.

A few minutes later, I come back from my bliss-induced pseudo-coma, and realize she's cuddling against me. It wasn't rare for me to come close to passing out from orgasm, but damn that one was something else... "Sweetie?"

"Yes, 'Non?"

"I think I love you too."

Bringing her in for a kiss, we both moan in each other's mouth as our tongues dance in the midst of our saliva and respective bodily fluids. Feeling warm and damp despite the freezing cold outside, and the clock having rolled past midnight since a while, we simply stay there, enjoying each other's embrace for what feels like hours.

"Wanna go sleep, Sweets? I'm pretty spent..."

She gives me a weak smile, and uses her magic to bring my arm around her. "Yeah, I wanna... I wanna go to bed."

I get up, hearing a good dozen joints popping loudly, and I bring the cuddly little pony upstairs, cradling her in my arms. Laying her down in my bed, I slip below the covers and immediately start cuddling her again.

"Anon..."

"Yes?" I ask lovingly, caressing her cheek with a hand as I look deep into her eyes. Beautiful lime green orbs...

"Can we... you know?"

"Uh, no, I don't think I do." I ask in confusion, exhaustion having taken over since a good hour.

"Can we... rut?"

My whole body freezes, as I look at her in a mix of disbelief and apprehension. "Uh... I don't know, Sweets. We're both tired, and we did quite a lot already today, I mean..."

"Tired sex is best sex." she mutters.

"What?"

"Nothing. Please, can we do it? I want you to be my first... I want it so much, right here, right now, it's all so perfect! We're together and nothing will ever separate us... I love you Anon, I want you to make me yours..."

As scary as her words are, after letting them sink deep into my mind, I honestly can't find a reason to decline. Maybe I finally snapped and became completely insane, but I want it, and I want to be with this filly, in every way possible. "You know it's gonna hurt a bit, right?"

She swallows loudly and looks at me, her eyes shining with determination. "I know... but I can handle it. If you're with me, I can handle anything."

"Alright..." I look at her, rubbing myself below the covers and caressing her mane with the other. It takes me mere seconds to get hard again, and I lift the filly on my chest. "Are you really sure about this, Sweets?"

"Y-yes... Do it, Anon." she says, closing her watering eyes.

The quicker I do it, the quicker I can get this over with... at least the painful part. Lowering her down on my waist, I prode her slick entrance with my member.

"Here it goes, one... two..." I don't get to three as I impale her small frame on my raging hard-on, eliciting a small cry from the white filly. "Sweets! Are you alright?"

"Y...y-yes. It didn't hurt too much... is it gonna feel good now?" she asks, the tears recessing.

Not bothering to answer, I slowly thrust out of her, and back in again, making her yelp, this time in pleasure. Finding a good rhythm after a couple of seconds, I wrap my arms around her and we lock lips as she rests her upper body on my chest. It's not too comfortable for me, but the sheer intensity of the situation more than makes up for it. Alternating between frantic kissing and moaning into each other's neck, we both ride out the waves of pleasure as our lovemaking continues.

I push her backwards a little so that she stands almost upright on my cock, and start caressing her little nub with a finger, holding her hoof with my other hand. "I love you, Sweetie..."

"I love you, Anon! I'm gonna... cum!"

Increasing the peace, I tug on her hoof and our chests meet again, her current state depriving her of any kind of balance. Shoving my tongue into her mouth, which gets quickly shoved back into mine under her own tongue's relentless assaults, I thrust as fast and deep as I possibly can, feeling my own orgasm coming up. Her winking clit caresses my pubis as she screams into my mouth, her tongue going limp and her entire body convulsing, while a powerful stream of marshmallow soup shoots against my cock, sending me over the edge as well. Pumping her love canal full of my seed, our mixed juices flow everywhere as our thrusting and convulsing slow down, eventually coming to a stop as our tongues part, a large strand of saliva connecting them.

Sweetie Belle mutters something, but falls asleep on my chest within seconds, my now soft member flopping out of her slick hole, followed by a stream of love juices. Wrapping my arms tight around her, I nuzzle the top of her mane with my cheek, and fall asleep faster than I ever did, with the largest smile I ever had plastered on my face.


	3. Epilogue

After making a copious breakfast for both of us, I painfully discover that mare juice is awfully hard to wash off. We have to scrub for nearly two hours before the bedsheets finally look like something one could sleep on. Wiping the sweat off my brow, I jump in the shower, followed by a cute white little filly, and hot, steamy things happen.

Another hour later, we finally walk downstairs, well-decided to cuddle and do nothing productive for the major part of the day, and I feel my heart drop upon seeing the apocalypse that lies before us.

"My fucking couch!"

_Fin._


End file.
